Adumbro
by HalfBloodHannah
Summary: From the latin silhouette, outline, feign. When all you are is an image. 'I can't know you before you know yourself'. L/J
1. Chapter 1

"**Adumbro**"

(Sketch out, silhouette, outline, represent; obscure; feign.)

Posted: 13/04/2008

* * *

**Chapter one**

It started during that calm Saturday afternoon. It was mid September, the beginning of one more school year at Hogwarts. It was still warm, and the wind blew peacefully, a gust of fresh air that ran around the students sitting through the grounds on that beautiful green grass.

A tiny group of three girls huddled underneath the shadow of an ancient tree. They were seventh years, and the cool, calm and collected figure they had showed it. Hogwarts no longer amazed them like it used to, and now the only thing they could do was enjoy the last free year in that safe place.

Between the four girls, one was the new Head. She was a muggle born girl named Lily Evans, whom everyone knew thanks to the fiery red hair and personality, and the eternal fights with one James Potter.

James Potter, an unruly dark haired guy with hazel eyes, was Quidditch captain, Head Boy, eternal Marauder and bachelor, pure blooded and handsome. He was known for obvious reasons, but also because of his former idea of a fun afternoon: hanging people up by the ankle, and humiliate them in front of the entire school. And, of course, his eternal fights with Lily Evans.

He was sitting a few trees away from her with three more guys, his closer friends. And though he played an important part in the conversation going on, his eyes were constantly turning to the girl with red hair and green eyes, remembering himself that their eternal fights were no longer eternal.

They were simply non-existing.

Not because they'd suddenly become friends, or come to some kind of truce due to the fact that they were now Heads together. It was non-existing because none of them could go through the trouble of looking for the other and start a fight. They were simply two people forced by causalities to work together. And that was it.

The girls under the tree laughed heartily and stood up, like some kind of force that was pulling them back to the castle and away from the comfy space they had until then. No one around them noticed, only the boy who couldn't stop staring. And he stared, right until she entered the castle doors.

She didn't look at him, not even to glare. Their eyes never locked, not even in an angry stare. At least when they fought, he knew there was a part of her that cared. She cared to make him a better person, so she yelled, duelled him, threatened him, lectured him.

Now, he was just the person she worked with in order to keep the school safe.

He was almost sure her sudden attitude towards him was because of their last real conversation. The one when he told her everything she made him feel, everything she did wrong and that she didn't see.

"_Who is Lily Evans after all?"_

_That was the question he asked her at last. He was trying to understand her, really understand who she was. Because all those different sides of her were confusing him to no end._

_She snorted, and answered just as if she was pressing the play button of a tape._

"_Lily Evans is a seventeen year old girl, in her sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Lily lives in Spinner's End, and was born on the 30__th__ of January, in the year of 1960. She has an older sister and muggle parents. She has medium high, bright green eyes and thick red hair. She is fairly calm, though she can be kind of fiery at times. She isn't the smartest of her class, but no one can beat her at Potions and Charms."_

_He only started at her, __bewildered, amused, confused, all at the same time._

"_That's it? All that you can say to explain who you are, are dates and facts?"_

"_You asked me who Lily Evans was! I answered you!"_

"_You know what you really are? A joke."_

He had ended the talk at that, and never bothered with her again. If she couldn't find herself, define herself, he wouldn't be the one to do it.

* * *

"Who is Lily Evans?"

That was the question that had plagued her during the two long months she was away from Hogwarts. Who was she? If dates and facts weren't enough to describe her, than what would? She had no idea. Her past brought her no confidence to talk about who she was; her future promised her none of the things she wanted to be promised.

It was like walking through a tunnel with no end, no light to be defined under touching her skin. She felt like Descartes had, doubting everything around her, even God, in all its mighty.

Who was she?

When the new school year begun, a new assurance seemed to fall on her. She knew she was at least one thing: she was magical. And, though that was very common in her new world, in her old world, her Spinner's End world, it wasn't as much. It was like Severus telling her all over again she was a witch.

He was Head Boy. That was the first thing she found out when she finally arrived to the prefect's meeting, five minutes late due to a lost and scared muggle born first year, whom had just been made fun at by some Slytherins. She had to make sure she left the kid with some of her friends, making sure he was safe, before she was off to the meeting.

When she entered, a holy silence reigned, and he didn't even smile when he saw her. He simply nodded in recognition, and she did the same, not even bothered enough to really understand the fact James Potter was Head Boy.

The first two weeks went on; he never fought her anymore, and she didn't fight him either. None of her friends said anything about it, though she knew very well they spoke about it when she wasn't there. But she didn't care. She was very into discovering new things about her, too much even to discover things about people around her. In her bedpost, she had glued a list that so long only had "magical" written in it. It was a start.

She had to find herself. Find herself before anyone else could.

* * *

**Author's note: there. I finished the first lame chapter.**

**: D**

**Anyway, review, yes? Telling me what you think?**

**Criticism is always accepted. But I hate flames. I still haven't understood how to deal with them.**

**Mistakes were probably found, I don't have a beta right now, and English is not my first language.**

**Okay, I'm going now.**

**Thank you for reading so far.**

**xD**

**Hannah**


	2. Chapter 2

"**Adumbro**"

(Sketch out, silhouette, outline, represent; obscure; feign.)

Updated: 15/04/2008

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**Chapter 2**

It was Saturday. A very light and warm Saturday afternoon. Lily was sitting with Mary and Agnes, another two Gryffindor girls, underneath an old tree on the grounds, feeling the light breeze touching her face caringly. The happy chatter from the students of Hogwarts, and especially her friends', came to her as if magnified— and she enjoyed that. She loved the feeling of being alive.

They were talking about something she would never be able to remember later. Magical or not, they were still only teenagers enjoying the first days of school, when the sun silently shone up in the sky, illuminating the school and all its impressive grounds.

She knew he was sitting close. If asked, she wouldn't be able to explain how she knew he was there; but, somehow, she did. It was like the harsh, yet true, words he had told her kept ringing in her ears, coming from the direction he was sitting with his friends: the Marauders, the eternal and powerful four Marauders.

She was torn out of her thoughts of how close he actually was by Agnes, otherwise known as Aggie, who had asked her something about potions. Lily smiled, and answered something that made both her friends laugh. She laughed too.

When they engaged in yet another light subject, she took the time to look around. It seemed pretty much every Hogwarts' student had decided to take a stroll through the grounds, or simply sit with friends under the numerous shadows around.

Finally, her eyes caught his black hair. Like she thought, he was sitting right to her left, some trees away, talking animatedly with his friends. She looked away quickly, afraid anyone would see her looking at him and assume something.

When she noticed the sun starting to die, she suggested they'd go inside. The other two agreed and stood up with her, resuming they chat on the walk 'till the castle doors.

Lily didn't dare looking at him again, simply concentrating in anything else but the strange feeling that he was staring at her. Because he wasn't. She was a joke. A very shapeless joke.

* * *

"What if I can't make it there?"

Minerva McGonagall blinked down at her pupil. How was she supposed to answer that question?

Although being rather new at teaching, seeing as she was only doing it at some years now, she knew the girl who sat in front of her, and that she had taught for six years, could do greater things if she put her mind into it.

She wasn't exactly great when it came to Transfiguration, she was rather a normal student, never failing anything, but never getting an Outstanding either. She was just… normal. But she had seen the girl's work at Charms and Potions, especially the former. Yes, she could achieve many things in her life is she wanted to.

She sighed, knowing the girl was waiting for a decent and truthful answer from her Head of House.

"I can't answer you on that, Ms. Evans. Just give your best and I can assure you, you'll make it there."

The answer didn't seem to bring any comfort to the girl. She simply bit her lip, as if trying to decide how to better voice her thoughts. She looked up after a few quiet seconds.

"I'd really like to be a healer, professor. I've always wanted to do something in order to save other people. But…" she faltered under the professor's gaze, not knowing how to say the rest of the sentence.

McGonagall waited a few more seconds to see if she was adding anything else to her speech, but she said nothing. "Child, I know how hard it can be to decide what you want for your future at such young age, but there's no reason for you to feel pressured. If you want to heal people, then go forward. If not, there are endless choices you can make."

Lily sat there a little longer while she tried to take in her teacher's word. She wished she could be like McGonagall, so decided and sure of herself. Finally, she excused herself and left, wandering back to the Gryffindor tower.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Aggie asked her as she entered the common room later.

Lily shrugged and sat down next to her. Dinner had finished almost an hour ago, and curfew was fast approaching. Has Head Girl, she had to patrol the school halls every now and then but, thankfully, that night she was off the hook.

Some lone survivors still subsisted in the common room, most of them doing late essays that were probably due the next day. Agnes was one more of them, writing what seemed to be the essay about Amortentia for Slughorn.

Agnes Sullivan was a half-blood girl Lily had grown friends with during fourth year. During their first three years at Hogwarts, the two never really saw eye-to-eye, owing to the fact that Lily was best friend to a Slytherin. In fourth year, however, Lily had helped Agnes' when, in a Gryffindor-Slytherin game (Agnes played seeker), she had prevented her from falling off her broom due to a bludger sent her way.

Agnes put a strand of her brown hair behind her ear as scribbled down furiously, "I seriously hate Slughorn sometimes," she said, but Lily didn't answer as she simply stood there sitting next to her friend. Agnes kept talking, "Actually, it's Mary's fault. She could have helped me do these hours ago, but did she do it? No, she just went up to bed."

Lily only nodded dumbly to her friend's words as she laid her head between her arms on the table. Although having left McGonagall's office ages ago, her mind was still there, trying to find some comfort in the words of the elder lady.

"Are you alright?" Agnes finally asked, as she looked up at her friends, only seeing her wild red hair falling around her arms, hiding her face completely.

"Yeah, I'm great," she mumbled shortly.

Agnes stared at her friend for a while longer before speaking, "If anything had happened…"

"I'd tell you," Lily finished for her, "Trust me Aggie, I'm great."

* * *

Much later, James Potter entered the common room to find a sleeping Lily with her head over her arms on the corner table.

He and Remus had just returned from their patrolling, and were talking in whispers about potions next day when they both stood looking at the lonely girl. She was so fast asleep she didn't even hear the portrait hole opening and closing. She was so fast asleep she didn't even notice the proximity of one James Potter. She was so fast asleep she never woke up when he picked her up and, with Remus' help, laid her down on the couch, covering her with his own robe.

She was just so fast asleep in so many ways.

"You don't speak to her anymore," Remus said as he and James stared at her peaceful face.

James didn't look at his friend when he answered, "That's because she doesn't need me to."

"And that means exactly…?"

The dark haired guy finally smiled and looked at his friend, "In our fifth year, she set me straight. Even if it took me a while, I finally understood her words, and she never needed to tell me those again."

Remus chuckled, "But she did, mate."

"But she didn't feel those words. And I'd be the same thing if I spoke to her now. They'd be words with no feeling."

Remus raised an eyebrow at him, "I still don't understand why you don't speak with her."

"Like she did to me, I told her what she needed to hear. And now I have to wait until she has found her own way again," James tried to explain. He smiled at Remus' puzzled expression, "Forget it. My link with Lily is a complicated one."

Remus shook his head and let it go as he and James climbed up the stairs to their dormitory.

"Merlin, she'll hurt in the morning!"

* * *

"Evans. Evans, wake up. Lily!"

She heard someone calling her name, but the voice was coming from such a far place that she preferred to pretend she never really listened to it. She was in a distant world, a billion of sensations going through her mind.

The voice didn't cease to call her though, no matter how much she pretended she wasn't hearing to it. Instead, it only got louder and stronger, so strong she felt her body shaking, first sweetly, then more violently. She tried to ignore it a little longer, but before she knew it she was being pulled away from her lullaby dream, and consciousness was coming back.

Suddenly, her neck felt sore, her body was aching in places she didn't know could ache. Her eyes opened quickly, only to close again, the intensity of the light being too much for her fragile eyes. She groaned, out of pure pain.

"Lil-"

"Yes, I'm up!" she said quickly, "What time is it?"

"Seven," a voice she now recognised as not belonging to one of her roommates said. Actually, it was a masculine voice. A very masculine voice.

She shot up quickly, alerted, and was about to ask _what the hell_ he was doing up in her dormitory and how he had gotten there in the first place when she noticed she couldn't remember going to her bed the day before. Agnes had gone up and she had said she'd stay a while longer and then… she must have fallen asleep.

Looking around her, she was finally aware of the fact that she had been sleeping on the common room couch. Some first and second years- the ones who got up earlier- were there, some staring at her confusedly, some amused.

"Not very good for you body, you know, sleeping on a couch," Sirius Black said, looking at her with a wicked smile.

She smiled too, noticing for the first time how warm she was. She stared at the robe that was wrapped over her in pure confusion. That definitely wasn't hers, or even the girl's, it was too big for that. And, if she remembered correctly, she had been sitting on a chair, not the couch… someone had moved her. Maybe Sirius?

"Yeah, I've noticed that, thanks," she said, as she stood up and stretched, feeling her entire body reacting to the sudden move, "Merlin!"

"You can say that," Sirius said, sitting down on the now vacant place, "You're lucky I get up earlier."

She sat down next to him again, "Thank you, Sirius. I owe you this one."

He nodded. "So… how did you end up sleeping here? And with a masculine robe over you nonetheless?"

It definitely hadn't been Sirius.

"I have no idea, actually. I only remember falling asleep in that chair over there," she said, pointing with her eyes, "I was there think some things over and must've dozed off."

Sirius barked with laughter, "It seems like Ms. Evans has an admirer. A Gryffindor admirer!"

I shrugged, standing up again. "I wished," I said, playfully, "I'm going up now. See you later," she told him.

Sirius said something too, but she was too airy to register it. She held the robe in her hands and, as soon as she had gotten back to her dormitory, where her friends were still sleeping (after all, their classes didn't begin until eight), she sat down on her bed and looked for a name. Every robe had to have a name.

Still, even before she found it, she already had an idea of who it belonged to. The smell of pine, freshly cut grass and some citrus scent that she recognised so well were more than proof of who was the owner.

Even though, when she finally saw the name, she had to stop and stare a little.

_James Potter._

What was she supposed to do with that new piece of information?

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**Author's note: so, here's the new chapter. Hope you liked it!**

**xD**

**I have to go, it's late and I have to wake up really early tomorrow (I hate to wake up early). :P**

**Review, yes?**

**Hannah**


	3. Chapter 3 plus Author's Note

"**Adumbro**"

(Sketch out, silhouette, outline, represent; obscure; feign.)

Posted: 05/07/2008

**

* * *

**

Hello everyone.

**Sorry but no, this is not a _real _update.**

**So, I know I've been quite a while without updating (almost three months. Wow), but I really haven't been inspired lately.**

**My holidays are coming, probably next week, unless I have to repeat my exams (which I really, really hope I don't have to), so until then this will continue on holding and when my holidays really begin I'll try to get back to this fic and finish it.**

**I really am sorry for this, hope you understand though.**

**Thanks for the support so far,**

**Hannah**

**P. S.: I know I can't post an author's note as a chapter, but I will delete this sooner or later to post the new chapter. Still, playing safe, I'll post what I already wrote from the next chapter (which isn't much).**

* * *

"You're not eating anything Lils," Agnes said, noticing for the first time her friend practically hadn't touched her breakfast.

Lily looked up at her, "I'm just not hungry," she said, noticing the look exchanged between Agnes and Mary after she spoke. She sighed. "Girls, I'm just not very hungry. Doesn't mean I'm sick, alright?"

They nodded and, for some minutes, no one said anything. But, of course, the silence never lasts forever.

"But you should eat, Lily," Mary said, pushing a piece of cake in her direction, "Even if you aren't sick right now, you'll be if you don't eat properly."

Lily smiled slightly. "Mary, I'm a big girl now, I can take care of myself."

Agnes snorted, "I'm sure you can."

"What is that supposed to mean Aggie?"

"Nothing, nothing…"

"Agnes?"

"We heard you arriving this morning," Mary finally said, while Agnes nodded, "You slept in the common room. That's not normal. You're behaving weirdly. We've noticed it. Hell, I'm sure everyone's noticed it!"

Lily shrugged, "I'm not behaving weirdly," she answered calmly, though she had the need to close her eyes and put her head between her arms. "I'm just… different. I've matured. Don't worry, really, I've told you a billion times I'm fine."

Agnes opened her mouth and started saying something, but Lily was oblivious to that. In that second, James and Remus had entered the Great Hall and were walking towards where Peter and Sirius were already eating. James' eyes locked briefly with hers, and she couldn't help but blush and smile timidly. He smiled as well, but it was an amused smile. It felt like ages since he had smiled at her like that.

"Lily! You're not listening to me, are you?" Agnes said in the background, but Lily didn't really turn her attention to her even when she wasn't staring at James anymore.

Mary smiled goofily. "Leave it. She's not going to listen to a word you say now. Wonder Head Boy has entered the room."

Agnes, who was sitting opposite Mary and Lily and, therefore, couldn't really see the entrance, turned her neck to see where James was. He was already sitting with his friends and the end of the table and didn't even notice her staring.

"Is there something you need to tell us?" Agnes asked as she smiled at Lily, "You're blushing like a first year that just saw the quidditch captain with his chest showing."

Lily and Mary looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Don't change the subject, alright? Did you just blush because of Potter?" Agnes asked.

Lily shrugged. "What does it matter?"

"'What does it matter', she asks," Agnes said, laughing sarcastically, "That's a good one. And you still say you're not acting weird."

"Leave it, Aggie! I can't even look at a guy anymore and there you go making speculations!"

Mary looked at the two of them bemused, "God, join two hot-headed girls and see what happens."

Agnes ignored her, "So?" she asked Lily.

"It's just that he found me asleep in the common room yesterday," Lily finally gave in, "And he laid me down in the common room couch so I wouldn't sleep on a chair."

Mary looked confused, "If he woke you up, why didn't you come to your dormitory?"

Lily looked down the table to where James was eating his cereals, "He didn't."

"He didn't wake you up?" Agnes asked, "That's so sweet!"

"Wait," Mary said, "He didn't wake you up? Then how do you know it was him?"

Lily smiled, "He left me his robe. So I wouldn't be cold. It smells so good."

The two girls stared at her in shock. Mary spoke first.

"I think we missed something," she said, "I think we missed something big."

"Oh, shut up."

"Shut up my arse! Can I remind you that you never admitted James Potter was remotely human, let alone that he smelled good?" Agnes said, looking at her friend like she hadn't really taken a look at her in ages.

"Do you like him?"

The question from Mary caught her out of guard. She didn't know why, she should have been expecting that one, but for some reason so strange to her, that hadn't really crossed her mind.

"I-I don't think so," she said, her eyes travelling ever so frequently to where James was sitting, "I mean- I had never actually thought about that."

The two other Gryffindor girls just stared at her, more confused than ever about what was going through Lily Evans' head.

"Let's get going to class?"


End file.
